low

Today i feel rather numb i suppose, well i don't know if numb is the right word, i certainly feel low, low on energy, low on esteem and low the pecking order. i know i've got a lot today but i really don't know if i can be bothered. I think it may be down to the weather outside looking like how i feel, dull and grey. there is no motivation or ambition boiling in my blood, there isn't even the angry passion i usualy feel for the state of the world we live in, it's all just really meh *shrugs*.

fury

I am not sure who i am more angry at. Is it my self, the con-dem government or the con-demed themselves? I'm 26 years old, I should be able to go to work earn enough money to feed myself, keep myself warm and to go and have a good time. As it stands, i can not work (which infuriates me), I can not keep my house warm and i can just about to keep my self in enough food that i wont starve. Now many would argue that i should be contented with this, after all i do still eat and i do still have the use of my p.c and my mobile phone but in this day and age are these things still considered a luxury? I get criticised when I complain about the state of the country and told that me and others like me, should stop shouting about it and get on with it, but if we stop shouting then we allowed ourselves to be walked all over. Is a peaceful life really worth it? I've tried just getting on with it, keeping my mouth shut and it got me nowhere, granted shouting on my own hasn't gotten me very far either but at least i get the satisfaction of knowing that i did something even if it was getting other people to shout too. So who AM i more angry at? The truthis we are all as bad and as good as each other I suppose.

introductions

Hi, my name is nix and I suffer. I know we all suffer from time to time and this blog is to help people to realise that we don't need to suffer alone. There are several things that I suffer with and a few that i suffer for, and many people won't know the difference.
     I have had mental health problems for as long as i can remember, but that isn't always why I suffer, a lot of the time it is because people label me as a lire, drama queen, attention seeker, scrounger and so on. There is a lot of stigma around mental health and other conditions that aren't immediatly visible such as things like m.e fibromyalgia, cancer, again the list can go on and on. I try to continue a "normal life" as much as i can but there are day's when it is almost impossible and I still have my pride so often i will suffer for "normality" as well as with it.
   Life is very complicated when you don't know how each day is going to be, i let people down and upset them because i make plans with the best intentions but i can't always keep them, i can't arrange to see people when they're free because i never know whether i will have the energy too after I've done the things that are required.
  so here i am, partially to try and inspire, help or even just to give insight but also because i need people to hear what I have to say.